


The lonely times

by Justhere1112



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Depressed Ruffnut, F/F, F/M, I love her, M/M, Multi, Sad, The Hidden World, feelings of abondonmet, hints at pansexual ruffnut, httyd3, lonely ruffnut, mentions of art, she just feld distant in httyd3, she just seemed different in the third movie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-01-06 09:16:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18385484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justhere1112/pseuds/Justhere1112
Summary: everyone has someone and that has became clear to Ruffnut. Now all alone(and a little drunk) she  looks into her past relationships and somehow finds a future.





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> its been a while since I wrote something I thought was good. hope its at least adequate for you.

The wedding was beautiful to say the least. It took longer then expected but Growing accustomed to the local seasons and getting to know the new neighbors was the only reasons for the delay(s). Well, that and the fact that hiccup wanted everything to be perfect for Astrid and vice versa. Now it was two years later, the sun was down and the big ceremony was finally over; everyone was in the new great hall drinking in honor of the new chieftess or what not. Everyone who was anyone was there, even dagur and heather showed up. That occurrence had ended up leaving one person out. Now ruff was sitting alone because of heather being there; she was fishlegs favorite and first true love, ruffnut was just some wild kid he grew up with. On the same small island. In the middle of nowhere. He had moved on from his fake crush. Yeah.

Ruffnut Just sat and watched as everyone celebrated love and her brother bother the newlyweds about their new ‘priority’, which got the majority of the party riled back up. It’s not that she didn’t feel happy for them or was jealous of the love and commitment they held so dearly or the fact that she will be constantly hearing about marriage from her mother for the rest of her life because of this. Okay, she was bothered and jealous, and maybe, MAYBE, a little saddened by all this.

Eventually deciding she was tired of feeling sad she got up and left (after another couple drinks). She stumbled her way down the stairs and was on her way home, her empty home; tuff decided he really did want a new place all to himself away from ruff so she did the same, in fact her house was very far from everyone else(almost as far as gothies). Why didn’t I just go and join a brothel at least I’d be getting some attention, but she was picky(ish) so she didn’t. She never felt this lonely or more selfish then tonight though, which is pretty odd if you think about it but if you look at it from her perspective its the truth.

She stopped hitting on hiccup a while back; it was in a joking way but Astrid told her (while blackout drunk) that she thought hiccup might pick her(one half of crazy) over the other girl(a really pretty, talented Viking warrior) before she stopped. The fishlegs and snotlout incident was almost as bad because she felt like it pushed fishlegs away from heather for way too long; they didn’t really like her and she knew that from the start. Now the latest bit of her guilt, eret son of eret and most handsome man alive got his attention caught by TUFFNUT. Even though she didn’t know at first she still feels bad about hitting on him and even worse when she saw her brother start to fall for him little by little. All this made her feel awful but the worse thing about all of it, she never really liked any of them.

She did it to see the reaction or something but it wasn’t because she was emotionally involved. Ruff always loved a good reaction but now? When she did something to get one it was seen as childish and immature! Letting out a sigh she spotted her house, getting to it was quite a hike. Especially in winter time.

“I think I could sleep for three days...” she drunkenly murmured as she opened the door only to hear a weird noise behind her. Looking over her shoulder with hope her brother followed her or barf and belch came to take her away from here but only found disappointment when it turned out to be a loose sheep. Nice. Rolling her eyes she went inside and shut the door behind her with an annoyed slam. Slinking her way up her stairs to her room she physically yearned for her bed so she could go to bed and sleep forever.

Her room was fairly big and mostly empty except a few other things. Some sketches, a few unfinished paintings, sculptures, and two empty mead barrels; the majority of her stuff was well organized and it bothered her because it meant tuff didn’t dig through her stuff to try and look at her work anymore. She felt her chest get tight when she thought about her brother because on one hand she hated him for leaving her alone, they were a package deal, and on the other hand she loved him and loved seeing him grow and become his own person.

Sitting on the end of the bed and taking off her wet boots her gaze landed on some old sketches she made hidden under her nightstand in a small crate. Grabbing it and gently hoisting it onto the bed, while Crossing her legs and wrapping her blanket around herself. She started taking the things out of the container unable to realize just why she hid them there in the first place.

“This was Emily,” she stated trying to convince herself it was real, pulling out a sketch of a girl with freckles. The girl also had a small braid coming from the sides and only a small cover over her body. Ruffnut remembered her because she came in on a boat only a few weeks after the dragons left; they got along right away and did more then getting along some nights. It didn’t last long though. The reason for hiding the box hit her after only pulling out a few more pictures of other women and men in different positions in different clothes. They were old hookups. They were old hookups that had really caught her attention.

She went through all of it; every doodle, sketch, and painting was inspected. With every picture came another pull at her heart but the strongest one was when she got to the last couple pictures. The woman these pictures was made of was on berk for almost a year and overall helped ruffnut get over losing barf n’ belch. She was a dark toned woman with strong and beautiful natural hair and bold eyes that insnared ruff the second she met them. Her name was shay and her story was almost as interesting as her; kidnapped as a baby and taken from her parents. she grew up amongst hunters and trappers until she ran away to help the ‘rebellion’ as she called it.

Ruffnuts first encounter with her was how she usually meets people too: trying to stop her from beating the shit out of tuff for a dumb statement.

' _He didn’t mean to insult you_ ,' she explained to the foreigner, _'he just snorted a lot of stupid this morning.'_ That statement got an offended ‘hey’ from her brother and a laugh out of the attacker. Shay asked her questions about the relation between the two like they weren’t obviously twins and then for a tour around the island. Shay helped to build new berk and in her spare time found ruff to talk to her. Ruffnut loved it when she did that; it made her feel like someone cared. They in fact spent a lot of their free time together. The holidays and seasons went by and by the time summer came again the woman had to leave to help other islands. She also had to leave ruffnut behind. Well, ruffnut refused to leave tuffnut.

“Why didn’t I go with you?” Ruffnut asked out loud as if expecting the pictures to answer

”why didn’t you stay?” She was now sobbing holding the crate with only shays pictures now, all others where now scattered around the bed. Ruff cried wishing shay would come back or kidnapping her and take her with her or just be here with her again so she knew that she mattered to someone anymore. She studied with gothie in private and helped her so she could be useful if someone got injured; she could be of use on shays crew.

None of that was going to happen though, she’s moved on, everyone moves on. Ruffnut cried until she couldn’t out of pure exhaustion and collapsed into sleep still cuddling the pictures. In the morning she will wake and still be exhausted with a hangover, but yet get up anyway, she will pick up her mess, she will set the crate on her nightstand, and she will finish some paintings and sculptures. She might even start a new one because she needed something new to do. She needed new stuff to move onto. She needed to move on. She will move on from everyone.


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sad times are still ahead

New berk was a very busy place at the moment and for several good reasons. The first and most obvious was that the spring festival was about to start, and traders had a lot of interesting stuff to sell on berk so people would come for the celebration and foreign items. The second was that the chief and chieftess were expecting in only a couple months which caused more traffic because everyone wanted to gift the parents-to-be with something to grant a first-born son. The third and most anticipated event (even over the baby) was Eret son of Eret And Tuffnuts wedding. They had been together for two years officially and decided that it was finally time to get hitched. The celebration was going to be amazing; everyone was going! Well, except maybe Ruffnut. 

   
  She knew it was weird that she might not go to her own twins wedding, but she was also unsure if she was even wanted there anyway. Before the island wide 

announcement tuff had given everyone in the original dragon gang (and Valka) the news in private. Everyone except his twin sister. It hurt when Fishlegs actually mentioned it to her on accident when he was dropping paint and other art materials off and picking some finished stuff up to give to an honest trader. 

   
   _“_ _So,_ _h_ _ow long did you have to keep it a secret?_ _"_ _He asked, excited to talk about it._  

   
  'k _eep what a secret?'_

   
   _‘The wedding._ _Tuffnut_ _must have told you before anyone else obviously.’_  

   
  ' _Who’s wedding?’ She asked getting annoyed with the lager man as she safely packed som_ _e_ _finished pottery._  

   
   _‘Tuffs_ _a_ _nd_ _Erets_ _. He told us last night and is going to announce it tonight at the great hall,’ he said giving_ _R_ _uffnut_ _a questioning look and then saw the mixed emotions_ _in_ _her eyes,’ d-did he not tell you?’_  

   
 ' _No_ _,_ _he didn’t,’ she responded trying to wipe the quickly appearing tears out of eyes._ _Fishlegs_ _got closer to apologizing and comfort her but she just shut the lid on the crate and put in his arms._  

   
  ' _Ruff I’m sorry I-_ _‘_  

   
   _‘You can go ahead and take that_ _to_ _the docks. The boat should be there soon or at least before lunch.’_  

   
  _‘B-b-but_ _R_ _u_ _-_ _‘_  

   
  ' _I’d just like to get back to my work and now I have to add a wedding gift to it,’ with that she picked up the last crate of clay and took it inside, shutting the door with her foot._  

   
  That was five months ago. She didn’t go to the hall to hear it. She didn’t need to. She made them the softest, biggest, tapestry quilt ever. She made it because a vase would be broken the night of the wedding, a sculpture would meet the same fate, and a painting was out of the question for the fact she didn’t know what at they would like.  It had also been a while since she had seen her brother or eret, and Tuffnut always got cold at night. She had Gobber take it there for her when he came a picked up a nice sculpted mug, he had her make. She didn’t get much sleep on her regular schedule but making that quilt perfect kept her up a few extra nights a week and having gobber deliver it for her was a lot of help. 

   
  She didn’t go into the village often anymore and considering going to the wedding would be awkward to say the least. They weren’t friends anymore, not in the siltiest, they only had the same blood going for them. They had grown farther apart. She blamed herself.  

   
  Looking out her bedroom window in a messy paint covered pair of pants and wraps (because who needs shirts in the middle of the woods) and then changed her focus to the simple light green and gold dress she had made for the occasion. Letting out a sigh she walked towards it pondering if she should go or give another excuse for not being there. She had a feeling they knew she was avoiding all of them but the only person who brought it up to here was gobber or Fishlegs. They were the only two who would come over. Gobber would in his spare time to talk her ear off and Fishlegs to come pick up or drop off something. 

   
  The wedding would happen in a couple of hours at sun down. She closed the window and sat down against the wall looking at the other ones that were cover in paint and pictures. Five months. It only took five months for her to make all of this. To make her walls look like her brain threw up on them, to sell a few paintings to a trader and have him begging for more to sell, to get her name out there, and to realize that no matter what she did she always felt _empty_.  

The empty was in her chest. Not her heart but her lungs. It didn’t feel empty either more of a lack of. No matter how much she breathed she felt like she was gasping but for what? She felt lonely yes, but it was unequal to the feeling of suffocation.   

   
  She did get heartaches when she thought about the suffocation but if she focused on everything else, she was fine. Everything was going to be fine. Meeting the gaze of an old inspiration she gasped for another breath despite the fact she was breathing fine just seconds ago. Okay so she wasn’t fine.  

   
  Getting up she tripped over a new stack of canvases she reaches out her arms in an attempt at grabbing anything she could to balance herself she made a mistake and grabbed bottom of the dress.  Tearing it down the whole side and in several layers. Looking at her mistake while sitting on the floor put coals on the fire of rage that has been trying to scorch her for months since the announcement.  

   
  Anger taking over after a moment of realization, she got up and started ripping the rest of the dress off the body double. She picked up the pieces she had thrown on the ground and Carried it all down and threw it all into the fire pit in her living room. Tears burning her face as they fell. Anger changing to sorrow as the dress turned to ash. 

   
  With tears still falling down her face she hurried to shut and lock every door and window. Heading back to her bed room she only felt guilt. She felt selfish too, and a lot of regret. How could she be around other people if this is how she reacted to a small inconvenience. 

  _I already pushed everyone away why stop now?_  

  She headed straight to her bed. Her bed was the safest place she could go to. It was her happy place and it always was even before the dragons. Even after the dragons came to live with them, she felt safer in her bed then with barf n’ belch. They liked her bed too. So did Tuffnut. If he had a bad dream he would always go to her bed because his big sister would always be there for him.  

 “I’m so sorry Tuffnut,” ruff murmured now wrapped up in blankets half asleep whilst peeking out to look at old pictures of him and the others,” I let all of you down. I was just not there for you enough.” 

   
 After a few minutes of calming herself after the tantrum, she finally collapsed from exhaustion into a dreamless sleep. 

   
 

 


	3. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> me:*writing a new chapter*  
> me:i have made a connection between the chapters!  
> also me: you didn't connect shit  
> me: i have made a connection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no clue at all what i was gonna add

She awoke to a loud banging sound coming from down stairs and someone yelling. Ruffnut laid there hoping that the annoyance would eventually go away if they never got an answer. After about five or ten minutes the angry yelling stopped but then the yelling picked up again while moving around the house. Ruffnut rolled her droopy eyes and proceeded to cover her head with a pillow to try and block everything out. A loud slam on the wall opposite to her was quickly heard and sent a wave of worry down her spine. 

Am I really getting broken into? Am I really gonna just lay here and let it happen? 

Her window was quickly opened, and a loud thud of the intruder was heard as they entered. The intruder walked around a little bit, even left the room and came back, but hasn’t said anything else yet. 

“Ruffnut! Aye Ruffnut you here?” 

Oh Thor. 

“Ruff come on this isn't funny!” 

Ruffnuts heart trembled in some joyous and fearful way as the woman yelled for her. 

A few footsteps notified the other person left the room and the continued yelling showed she had not given up. 

She never did give up 

Ruffnut slowly sat up and got untangled from the blankets rather slowly to not alert the worried banshee in the house; a cup sitting too close to the bed did not help with that plan. The cup fell to the ground with a very sudden crash that even startled Ruffnut. Quick steps up the stairs followed. Worry in Ruffnut grew. 

“ALRIGHT WHOS THE- ruff?” 

Ruffnut could feel the relief fill the person behind her. 

“Ruffnut? Is that really you?” 

She felt her body move slowly without her consent; turning to see if the figure behind her was who she hoped it to be. 

Their eyes met first, both teary and scared for the other, then their bodies met. Ruffnut could feel something lift off her lungs or maybe enter them. Her breath felt new, fresh, clean. It felt like breathing not gasping. 

“H-h-hey sh-shay,” came out broken as tears of joy finally flowed. 

“You had me so worried when I didn't see you last night!” 

“I fell asleep.” 

They spoke between sobs. 

“when?” 

“A little bit before the sun set.” 

“It's almost four in the afternoon!” 

They pulled away for a minute, looked each other in the eyes a little confused, and then lost it. Both women sat on the bed laughing till they almost passed out. Ruffnut looked at shay as if she couldn’t believe any of it was real. 

“I'm so happy you came back.” 

“Why wouldn’t I?” 

She responded with a shrug still feeling exhausted. 

“I am sorry it took so long,” the other apologized gently squeezing Ruffnuts hand. 

“don't be. You’re here now and besides you were out doing a lot of good!” 

“yeah and I wish you could have seen it. I can tell you’ve been busy too though.” 

“really? How?” 

“Well, I have seen your works out there,” Shay stated with a smirk, "and Fishlegs might have told me about your little business.” 

Chatter filled the room as both caught up. Shay told her about the different lands and people she met, how she actually did see some of Ruffnuts works in the swankier neighborhoods and how she missed her human asylum; Ruffnut told about all her works, some of the weird special requests she had received, and how she might have some emotional distress about certain things. They only pause to go to the bathroom and get some food before returning to Ruffnuts bed again cooked chicken in hand. They eventually fell asleep entangled in the blankets and each other.


End file.
